I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
