Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
