According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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