theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
