My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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