I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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