We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
