we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
