"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
