Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
