Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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