we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
