how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want nice things and good sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
