After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
