Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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