Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
