He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
