think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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