ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
