out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I believe in your delicious
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