I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
