you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
