You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
