so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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