she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
