i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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