Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
