11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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