That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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