If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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