oh god the rape fog is back!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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