Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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