I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
