I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
