i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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