Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
