we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
