went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
