K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
