I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
