i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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