What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
