i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
