Welp...herpes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
