You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
