you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
