i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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