ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
