The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
