I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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