and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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