i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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