Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She said her name was "party"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
